Oliver Buckley

Oliver Buckley was the arch nemesis of Ellie Ferguson. He was born in Malta in 2005 (the same year as Kathleen and Ellie). His father left shortly after the birth to go down on a mad one with the lads at the pub. He was dropped on his head by an incompetent nurse and his mother disowned him as soon as she found out as she "did not want to be related to a spaz". The hospital then sent him to the USSR via the royal mail and he was raised by Adolf Hitler himself. Hitler named Oliver after his all time favourite musical, Oliver. Oliver was trained to be lethal and deadly, but he would never be a match for Kathleen. Little did he know his fate. When he was two, he played a part in the Nuremburg trials and ultimately he was not charged but was banned from over 50 countries, including his home countries Malta and Russia. By the age of 12, Oliver found himself in England as a vagabond and he earned money by dancing on the street. He even met the famous singer Michael Jackson, but the actual events of the meeting remain undocumented. When Oliver was 98, he struggled with a strawberry addiction and had to attend 3 separate courses of rehab. 5 years later at the age of 6, Oliver crossed paths with the dynamic duo Ellie and Kathleen. Although the events of their initial conversation is unknown, it is rumoured that Oliver was called a wrongen by Ellie. It was confirmed that Oliver said that Ellie was responsible for sinking the titanic, and Ellie responded with "that's bare minging fam wouldn't dare". From that moment on, they declared each other arch nemesis's and would have vigorous battles to near death every time their paths crossed. Little is known about Oliver's life after the initial meeting with the duo, but what we do know is that his death soon followed. It was a regular Sunday evening, Ellie was out grabbing scran at the local premier shop, and that was when she saw Oliver standing there in the frozen food aisle. She stared him down and she saw his brown eyes turn red with anger as he dropped his frozen chicken on the floor. Both got into their defensive stances, and they started brutally attacking each other. Oliver took a chunk out of Ellie's arm, but Ellie snapped his kneecaps with a flick of a finger. She contacted Kathleen using her telepathic powers, and Kathleen emerged instantly. She closed her eyes and concentrated immensely. After 12.3 seconds, her skin had turned blue and her eyes were green, not like Oliver could appreciate the coolness of this moment. She grew fire covered wings from her back and there was a visible force field around her. As Oliver begged Kathleen for mercy, she screeched in a voice so sharp that it could cut glass, "MY NAME IS KATE, AND IF YOU MUST CALL ME SOMETHING OTHER THAN THAT THEN CALL ME KATIE. MY NAME IS NOT KATHLEEN!!" In that moment, the force field exploded and destroyed everything in a 20 kilometre radius. The only things that remained were the immortals Ellie and Kathleen, and the rustler burger that was in the fridge. Oliver Buckley was no more.

** UPDATE OCTOBER 2021**

IT HAS BEEN CONFIRMED THAT OLIVER BUCKLEY IS ALIVE AND IS IN HIDING.

An anonymous source with sideburns has confirmed that Oliver Buckley is indeed alive and well. It will not be long before Kathleen inevitably hunts him down again and make sure this time he remains dead. The details behind why Oliver is still alive is unknown, but it has been theorized that he bathed in grease before the force field exploded, and he simply slipped away from the scene. When questioned on her thoughts about Oliver's mortality staus, Ellie Ferg stated that she did not mind his existence, but if he ever calls her fat again she will "get him shanked by the ops like the dusty yute he is". Oliver has been reported to be affiliated with Edward Hyde, and has offered him his help in evading the Taliban. He was last spotted in Nigeria in 1996 at the age of 177 eating a flea from his rat's fur. It has been confirmed that Oliver has been away from society for so long that he has become feral and is an incredibly dangerous being. Last week, it appears that Oliver was involved in a car accident with internet personality Katie Price after they were driving together on a booty call. Katie Price's fiancee and known war criminal, Carl J Woods, is livid. In an interview he stated, "If I ever see that cheeky geezer again, I'll set Harvey on him". Oliver ran for the hills after he heard about the possibility of being eaten by Harvey Price. He is now believed to be in the Frogmore Estate hiding with Queen Elizabeth.

Oliver has also been reported to have given birth to a food baby by the name of rob Banks. The child's father is unknown but presumed to be harvey price. Ellie Ferg has stated that if she ever sees the child then she will turn it into mince pie and then force oliver to eat it. Oliver buckley didn't care because ellie still somehow doesn't know his very obvious location as we have literally printed it on this site. Oliver also apparently likes minced baby pies so even if ellie did feed him his own child, i doubt he would really care. The baby fell down the stairs 3 weeks ago after slipping on a banana but it is somehow fine.